Too often, I am hiding.
Too often, little truths about myself are too frightening to face, let alone to share with anyone else. Irrationally, I suppose, I try to hide even from the Omnipotent One, from He who knows everything about me (Ps 139:1-5), from He who beheld me before I was formed (Ps 139:16).
A little bit like in the garden, really. Hiding in shame (Gen 3:8).
He calls to me:
“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
in the covert of the cliff,
let me see your face,
let me hear your voice” (Cant 2:14)
An ancient tradition in the Church interprets the cleft in the rock as symbolic of the wounded side of Christ (Arminjon 176). As the I nestle further and further into my hiding hole, I am actually moving more deeply into the very Heart from whom I am hiding! In my fear and in my pain, I struggle against His embrace – He holds me all the more firmly, yet gently.
As He calls to me, He is inviting me back to the garden. He is inviting me back to that original innocence where I could be naked before Him without shame.
In a moment of honesty before the Lord the other day, mid-genuflection, I wept unexpectedly and uncontrollably. I still don’t completely know exactly what passed between us… but I do know that He doesn’t want me to fear Him seeing me as I am, as He created me – before I felt the need to hide.
As You draw me more deeply into Your Sacred Heart, O Lord, let me be bathed in the Water and the Blood that poured forth as a fountain of mercy for the world.
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CITED: Arminjon, Blaise. The Cantata of Love. trans. Nelly Marans. San Francisco, CA: Ignatius, 1988.
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